Auf Tugend, nicht auf Blut muss man sich stützen.
Brief eines Bayern an die NASA
I write you, because you must help me. I have seen your space shuttle in the television. In colour.
And so came me the idea to make holidays in the worldroom. Without my crazy wife.
I am the Kraxlhuber. The King of Bavaria was my clock-clock-grandfather. I stand on a very bad foot with my wife.
Always she shouts with me. She has a shrill voice like a circle saw.
She lets no good hair at me. She says I am a Schlapp – tail. She wants that I become Buergermaster.
But I want not to be Buergermaster. I have nothing at the hat with the political shit. I want my Ruah.
And so I want make holidays on then moon. Without my bad half. But I take my dog with me. He is a boxer.
His name is Wurstl. So I want book a flight in your next Space Shuttle. But please give me not a window place.
I would kotz you the rocket full, because I am not swindle free. And no standing-place please.
And please do not tell my wife that I want go alone. She has a big Schrot-Gun.
She would make a sieve from my ass. I need much comfort. A nice double room with bath and klo and heating.
And windows with look to the earth. So I can look through my far-glasses and see my wife working on the potatoe field.
And I and my dog louhg us a branch (haehaehae). We will kringel ourself loughing (hoehoehoe)!
Is was loose on the moon? I need worm weather and I hope the sun shines every day.
This is very good fuer my frost-boils. I need not much. A good bread time, a good Haxn and a Mass beer.
Have they chew-tobacco on the moon? If not, I bring it with. Is in the rocket place for my drive wheel?
Tell the man of the moon that I come. I hope he has no wife. We can make outflights with my drive wheel.
We can make crater-wandering. I bring him the Bavarian national hymn bei.
We can make tobacco chewing. We can drink a lot of hopblossom-tea. I hope he is no Preiss !!!
We can spuck around the bed. We can make finger-hooking.
I bring the Bavarian flag with and we can dance shoeplattler around it. Have they flies on the moon?
If yes, I bring my weather-frog with. De will get fat like a otter. I want make 5 weeks holidays.
When you have a new rocket after 5 weeks, I wait for the next rainbow and drive with my Radl.
Please make a good price – under good friends.
I cannot pay so peppered prices, because my pocket money is not so much;
send your answer to my neighbour Wastl Hintermoser. I have the honour.
Your Alois Kraxlhuber
PS.: Dont fly when is full-moon. My dog, this Pig-Bazi, becomes always epileptic and makes so much noise.Habt einen schönen Tag!
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